Po, Cat

The first thing I do when I get up in the morning is work out. I’m very into cardio, so I run laps around the house until I’ve burnt up enough calories. I like to call my workout ‘organic jogging’, because I don’t follow any particular route— just wherever my legs take me. Organically. So if something ends up in front of me, I just knock it over. Actually, knocking things over helps to build up leg muscle. I’m very proud of my legs.

When I’m done with my workout, I like to take a short rest. Resting and self care is very important to me, because as a cat I face a lot of stress in my life therefore it’s crucial that I take good care of myself to ensure my mental health and emotional wellbeing is at tiptop levels. My favourite way to unwind is to cuddle up in a corner with some aromatherapy fragrances. The best fragrance, to me, is the smell of my own farts. It’s so relaxing, and it’s organic. My humans are not into the smell, though. They’re too used to the smell of chemicals. I’ve tried to teach them that natural and organic is better, but they just don’t get it. I guess that is why they are humans and not cats. Cats know better, which is why you don’t see cats burning up forests and fossil fuels.

Speaking of natural, my body produces it’s own moisturiser. I may be covered in fluffy fur, but I need to be moisturised as well. The moisturiser produced by my own body is highly hydrating and very, very valuable. I have actually been contacted by beauty companies left and right, asking if they can bottle up Po’s Natural Body Moisture and mass market it. I always politely turn them down. Call me a snob, but I like to be the only person to use this moisturiser. It keeps me exclusive, and a step above the rest in terms of beauty.

It’s because of this that I highly dislike it when people touch me. The oils from their hands— especially human hands, which are polluted with chemicals— will disrupt and ruin the moisturiser. As I’ve said, it’s organic and highly concentrated so mixing it with other foreign ingredients will just spoil it. I can always see the decrease in the shininess of my fur when I’ve been touched by a human. The best thing is to make sure humans do not touch you at all, but if a human does decide to disrespect your Cat Rights and touches your body without your consent… Well, the best thing you can do is to immediately lick away all traces of their dirt and oils before you are permanently tainted.

Overall, my beauty philosophy is to stay as natural and as pure as possible. I think beauty is at it’s best when a cat is in their completely natural state, just as God intended. I truly believe cats are the most beautiful creatures in the world and humans are fully aware of this. My humans are always trying to copy the shape of my eyes by doing what they call ‘cat eyeliner’. I know I should be offended, but their attempts are always in vain so I don’t see why I should bother. Oh, by the way I am a boy.

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